Pointless Remakes R US

I recently heard of an incoming remake of the film The Birds
The Alfred Hitchcock classic.
I remember it well.
It genuinely scared me.
I also recall that it was the first Hitchcock film I'd seen in colour.
At first the idea of deadly sparrows seemed ridiculous.
I remember wondering how I could be afraid of such a hokey premise.
But it was terrifying to me, at an age when I was too young to understand the skill of a great director..

I accept that age inevitably creates a misguided fondness and a rosy glow for the way things were.
So perhaps it is viewed through nostalgic rose - tinted glasses.
Even so -

Why another remake ?

Of course I am biased - I've always loved fantastic films, particularly well made, thought - provoking ones.
From the intensity of Texas Chainsaw Massacre to the almost whimsical Incredible Shrinking Man.
From the warnings of dystopian fascism inherent in Brazil and Robocop to the dangers of deluded dictators in Forbidden Planet and The Wizard of Oz.

For me one of the last straws was the proposed sequel to Bladerunner.
I'm sorry, but no.
No.

Not in my world.

I've pretty much stopped going to the cinema as a result of sequelitis coupled with remake-itis, and I'm not alone.

There was a brief flurry of interesting leftfield stuff that made me hopeful.
And then nothing.

I understand the bigger picture with global austerity meaning less risky film - making, and with brand identification, sequels are a safe bet - at least until the law of diminishing returns kicks in.

These days, though, it's almost an epidemic.
Remake everything seems to be the new affliction.

After all, they didn't have HD or 4K in those days - and it would be unfair to expect todays precious little snowflakes to put up with old - fashioned quality.
Spoiled by a lifetime of crash bang wallop on huge plasma screens floor to ceiling with 5:1 surround sound.

Thank God they didn't remake Laurel and Hardy.
Yet.

Case in point - no-one could imitate or ever hope to equal them onscreen.

Let their films remain as they are-  black and white, scratchy, some silent.

They are (im)perfect documents of their time.


I know that I must be sounding like a purist or a Luddite who doesn't want change, but I remember a similar feeling when I learned of the remake of King Kong.




I felt that my childhood memory of that strange old black and white film with its stop motion monsters would be sullied forever.
In the end, I relented and saw the Peter Jackson version in the cinema.
It was okay.
But l-o-o-o-n-g, and ultimately boring.
Which is another thing.
So many new films are l-o-o-o-n-g.
As though longer films are a sign of quality.

Puh - lease !

For me, this began with the Lord of The Rings trilogy (still looking at you Mr Jackson)
...and continued with the pointless extending of The Hobbit .

Yet, the bombastic visual and aural assault of many new films is more in line with trying to hold the attention of a hyperactive child.
Is that what we are now ?
Hyperactive children who must be held down and spoon - fed visual spectacle ?

The current ADHD - lack of attention span approach to relentless onscreen action is tiring and tiresome.
Case in point-
Transformers.

I remember Transformers as a poorly dubbed / animated cartoon connected to a series of products.
I always thought it was crudely rendered in a style I didn't like,
and along with He-Man / She-Ra, I just didn't see the attraction.

Perhaps I was just too old.

So, my apologies to those who grew up with the tales of the Decepticons etc...

King Kong was a re-telling of Beauty and The Beast...

From such an obvious beginning as a tie-in, I failed to see the further attraction of bombastic films.
Don't get me wrong - by all means Toy Story. 
It is a timeless tale.

But not Transformers.

Still, Michael Bay.

Directing the remake of The Birds.

Why can't he just film He-Man Masters of the Universe ?

At least I can ignore that.

But The Birds will be hard.

I'll have to add it to the ever-increasing list of films whose existence I don't acknowledge :

The remakes of  The Ladykillers, Psycho, The Wicker Man, The Planet of the Apes, Get Carter, Godzilla, The Thing, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Carrie, Nightmare on Elm Street...

And those are just my personal bugbears.

...then there are the endless Hollywood versions of perfectly good European films -

Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Let The Right One In, etc

...for what reason ?

Unimaginative, unoriginal and unnecessary.









this is a redux of the original post . thank you

p.s. my first introduction to the work of Peter Jackson was the gross-out film Bad Taste, in which part of the heros brain is eaten by a seagull.
So there is a (tenuous) link between Peter Jackson and ' The Birds'.